It has been so long since my last post

I have been so crazy life has been hectic. My daughter is waking up nightly crying and puking until the morning. She tosses and turns and she just seems so unhappy alot. I am really depressed and I have been feeling so blue! I have never been so stressed out in my life I feel so on the edge. My eldest was doing so well: He then decided to stop going to church to stop believing in the LDS religion, he believes but he just says they try to control him to much. I want him to get back to his faith I worry that was the only thing keeping him sane and he just is so far off from where he was one year ago. I feel like I am losing my self and I need to find something to make me happy. I just cry everyday from stress of life and choices I have made and I just dont know if life will ever get any easier because it never does. I have so many dreams and the years go by and they all seem to disapate.. I am so scared that if my son struggles after I thought he was throught the hard part that everyone will too and I just can't comprehend handling it all the time. I love my kids so much I just think I am not mentally able to handle all of this and it is so crazy. I dont know I hear other mothers say they are taking their kids to ball practice, wrestling matches and Karate. I can't afford these luxuries for my kids I want to do this so bad they deserve it and I wish I had the money to do it. I just feel like my mother all over again never having enough money always crying poverty, I never wanted to be her (financial her) I just wanted to be the strong survivor.